December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 3 Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 4 Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling ecru, with mocha trim.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 7 Debug WindowsNT.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 10 Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 11 Lay Faberge egg.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 12 Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 13 Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 14 Install plumbing in gingerbread house.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 15 Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 17 Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 19 Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 20 Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 21 Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks. ©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 22 Float votive candles in toilet tank. ©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 23 Seed clouds for white Christmas. ©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 24 Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 25 Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 26 Organize spice racks by genus and phylum. ©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 27 Build snowman in exact likeness of God.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 31 New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.
