Dear Gary©JOKEDEMO.COM

Hope you are well and Phil liked the wicker donkeys I sent. Lots of people have been offering to help me out with the language, but Victoria says my English is fine as it is. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

Everyone has been really friendly and the lads have got a great sense of humour, just like at United. Luis Figo's the funniest - every time he sees me he says: "I'm going to break your legs, pretty boy!" Keano would love it here.©JOKEDEMO.COM

It's nice to see Stevie again. He said to me only yesterday "I'm really looking forward to helping you settle in. I've got you a nice spot next to me on the bench". He says he's got all sorts of training games we can play together, like snap, dominoes and ludo but I think I'll be too busy with the football.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Victoria is very happy here already. We were listening to the radio the other morning and the current Spanish Number One came on. It's called "Plinky Plinky Techno Happy Plinky Plinky Bot Bot". Victoria reckons she can come up with something every bit as good.©JOKEDEMO.COM

You might have seen in the papers that they're going to let me share the free-kicks with a bloke called Robert O'Carlos. Will you ask Keano if he remembers him from his Ireland days? Luis says even though this O'Carlos bloke can bend the ball really well, I'll still be the biggest bender at the club, which was nice!©JOKEDEMO.COM

Anyway, hope you and the lads are enjoying the preparations for the season ahead. See you in the quarter-finals!©JOKEDEMO.COM

David Beckham