I know my memory's fading. I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I chose a seat next to a man and his wife in the waiting room. Both the chairs and conversations were so comfortable that before long, I'd totally forgotten why I was there and asked the man, "So, what are you here for?" Talk about a show stopper.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Dead silence just as "Nurse Ratchet" announced my name in her best baritone voice. I thought, "Great, a name to match the idiot." I rushed past the giggles and hurried after the 'angel of no mercy'.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Rounding the corner, I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Alllll I need you to do is step into this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr?"©JOKEDEMO.COM
I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This isn't rocket science."©JOKEDEMO.COM
Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It transforms a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38- LONG in less than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice... it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.©JOKEDEMO.COM
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"©JOKEDEMO.COM
"Fine," I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off?©JOKEDEMO.COM
My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity when we heard and felt the 'ZAP'! Complete darkness. "What?" I yelled.©JOKEDEMO.COM
"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door.©JOKEDEMO.COM
"Excuse me! You're not leaving are you?" I shouted.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy... the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be rightttt backkkk."©JOKEDEMO.COM
Before I could shout, "NO," she disappeared.©JOKEDEMO.COM
And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extrodinaire, found me, half-naked and parts of me dangling from the 'Jaws Of Life'.©JOKEDEMO.COM
After exchanging polite, "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible. "Uh, yes... yes we did, thanks."©JOKEDEMO.COM
"You bet, take care," Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though we'd been standing in line at the grocery store.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh, I am sooooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"©JOKEDEMO.COM
And that, your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.......
