December 1 - Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 2 - Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 3 - Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pinecones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 4 - Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 5 - Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 6 - Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer Committee for consideration.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 7 - Debug Windows 2000©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 10 - Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 11 - Lay Faberge egg.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 12 - Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 13 - Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 14 - Install plumbing in gingerbread house.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 15 - Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 17 - Child-proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 19 - Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 20 - Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 21 - Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 22 - Float votive candles in toilet tank.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 23 - Seed clouds for white Christmas.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 24 - Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 25 - Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 26 - Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 27 - Build snowman in exact likeness of Jesus.©JOKEDEMO.COM
December 31 - New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.
