1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.©JOKEDEMO.COM

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.©JOKEDEMO.COM

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.©JOKEDEMO.COM

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.©JOKEDEMO.COM

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.©JOKEDEMO.COM

6. No one is listening until you fart.©JOKEDEMO.COM

7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.©JOKEDEMO.COM

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.©JOKEDEMO.COM

9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.©JOKEDEMO.COM

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.©JOKEDEMO.COM

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.©JOKEDEMO.COM

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.©JOKEDEMO.COM

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.©JOKEDEMO.COM

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.©JOKEDEMO.COM

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.©JOKEDEMO.COM

16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.©JOKEDEMO.COM

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.©JOKEDEMO.COM

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.©JOKEDEMO.COM

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.©JOKEDEMO.COM

20. Duct tape is like "The Force." It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.©JOKEDEMO.COM

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.©JOKEDEMO.COM

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.©JOKEDEMO.COM

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.©JOKEDEMO.COM

24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.©JOKEDEMO.COM

25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things get worse.©JOKEDEMO.COM

26. The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.