Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations ©JOKEDEMO.COM

Friendly fire - isn't.
Recoilless rifles - aren't.
Suppressive fires - won't.©JOKEDEMO.COM

You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.©JOKEDEMO.COM

A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready. and when you're not. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.©JOKEDEMO.COM

There is no such thing as a perfect plan.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Five second fuses always burn three seconds.©JOKEDEMO.COM

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.©JOKEDEMO.COM

A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The easy way is always mined.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.©JOKEDEMO.COM

When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Incoming fire has the right of way.©JOKEDEMO.COM

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.©JOKEDEMO.COM

No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If the enemy is within range, so are you.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Tracers work both ways.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Military Intelligence is a contradiction.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Weather ain't neutral.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.©JOKEDEMO.COM

'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Napalm is an area support weapon.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.©JOKEDEMO.COM

B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The one item you need is always in short supply.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Interchangeable parts aren't.©JOKEDEMO.COM

It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.©JOKEDEMO.COM

When in doubt, empty your magazine.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If two things are required to make something work, they will never be shipped together.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.©JOKEDEMO.COM

There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.©JOKEDEMO.COM

You'll only remember your hand grenades when the sound is too close to use them.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Well"and#59055;t could be worse: It could be raining"and#59079;nd we could be out in it.©JOKEDEMO.COM

So he said, "Cheer up: it could be worse!" So we cheered up. And it got worse.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The side with the simplest uniform wins...©JOKEDEMO.COM

The spare batteries for the PRC-whatever your troops have been carrying are either nearly dead or for the wrong radio.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The ping you heard was the antenna snapping off at 6 inches above the flexmount, while a fire mission was being called in on a battalion of hostiles who know your position.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Why is it the CO sticks his head in your radio hooch to see if anything has come down from DIV when you are listening to the VOA broadcasting the baseball games?©JOKEDEMO.COM

How come you are on one frequency when everyone else is on another?©JOKEDEMO.COM

Why does your 500-watt VRC-26 (real old) not make it across 200 miles while a ham with 50 watts on the same MARS frequency can be heard from Stateside?©JOKEDEMO.COM

Know why short rtos have long whips on their radios? So someone can find them when they step in deep water.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The enemy "always" times his attack, to the second you drop your pants in the Latrine!! ©JOKEDEMO.COM

The ammo you need "NOW"!! Is on the "next" airdrop!!©JOKEDEMO.COM

Murphy's Law
The Army Weather Corollaries ©JOKEDEMO.COM

Inclement weather always begins AFTER you've already done PT. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

A sudden downpour always occurs at the end of a summer field exercise--just in time coat all your equipment and camouflage with mud. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

The best beach weather always occurs when you are in the field wearing MOPP 4. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

There is no such thing as a blue sky during a company picnic. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

There is no such thing as a cloudy sky when your unit needs to infiltrate enemy territory. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

Road conditions are always red when it's time to convoy home. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

Motor pools are always 20 degrees warmer than the rest of the post during the summer and 50 degrees colder in the winter. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

Army training areas exist in a constant state of weather flux controlled by a deity with a truly cruel sense of humor--How do you think we got them so cheap? ©JOKEDEMO.COM

The peak of Mt. Everest would flood if an Army unit was told to set up on it. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

Hell really would freeze over if someone decided to conduct an exercise there. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

The Port-a-Potty Postulate states that the likelihood of a hurricane, sandstorm, tsunami, or blizzard occurring immediately over your location is directly related to how bad you need to get to the portajohns at the other side of the campsite in the middle of the night. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

The temperature always rises to 70 degrees AFTER you put on two layers of polypros, your bear suit, and all of your Gortex. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

If you whine about the weather, someone else will always whine louder. ©JOKEDEMO.COM

Rules of the Rucksack©JOKEDEMO.COM

1. No matter how carefully you pack, a rucksack is always too small.©JOKEDEMO.COM

2. No matter how small, a rucksack is always too heavy.©JOKEDEMO.COM

3. No matter how heavy, a rucksack will never contain what you want.©JOKEDEMO.COM

4. No matter what you need, it's always at the bottom.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Phillip's Law:©JOKEDEMO.COM

Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Weatherwax's Postulate:©JOKEDEMO.COM

The degree to which you overreact to information will be in inverse proportion to its accuracy.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Least Credible Sentences:©JOKEDEMO.COM

1. The check is in the mail.©JOKEDEMO.COM

2. The trucks will be on the drop zone.©JOKEDEMO.COM

3. Of course i'll respect you in the morning.©JOKEDEMO.COM

4. I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Brintnall's Second Law:©JOKEDEMO.COM

If you receive two contradictory orders, obey them both.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Pavlu's Rules for Economy in Decision Papers:©JOKEDEMO.COM

1. Refute the last established recommendation.©JOKEDEMO.COM

2. Add yours.©JOKEDEMO.COM

3. Pass the paper on.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Oliver's Law:©JOKEDEMO.COM

Experience is something you don't get until after you need it.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Lackland's Laws:©JOKEDEMO.COM

1. Never be first.©JOKEDEMO.COM

2. Never be last.©JOKEDEMO.COM

3. Never volunteer for anything.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Rune's Rule:©JOKEDEMO.COM

If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Law of Supply (also known as the Law of Gifts):©JOKEDEMO.COM

You get the most of what you need the least.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Hane's Law:©JOKEDEMO.COM

There is no limit to how bad things can get.