A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child offive.©JOKEDEMO.COM

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.©JOKEDEMO.COM

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I gointo the other room and read a book.©JOKEDEMO.COM

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.©JOKEDEMO.COM

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.©JOKEDEMO.COM

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.©JOKEDEMO.COM

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.©JOKEDEMO.COM

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.©JOKEDEMO.COM

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hearit again.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in aninstitution?©JOKEDEMO.COM

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.©JOKEDEMO.COM

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.©JOKEDEMO.COM

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamasI'll never know.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's toodark to read.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Room service? Send up a larger room.©JOKEDEMO.COM

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?©JOKEDEMO.COM

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?©JOKEDEMO.COM

Women should be obscene and not heard.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.