You've lost the feeling below your ankles.©JOKEDEMO.COM

When you walk you have to waddle like a duck, so you fabricate a story about a knee-injury to dismiss curious onlookers.©JOKEDEMO.COM

When you wake up in the morning you can still see the impression of where your keys were in your pants pocket the night before.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The last time you tried to retrieve your wallet from your back pocket you lost a finger.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Your farts take up to three-and-a-half minutes from start to finish, and produce the sound frequency of a dog whistle©JOKEDEMO.COM

People ask you questions like, "Are you a professional scuba diver, or do you just wear the gear?"©JOKEDEMO.COM

The last time you sat down, the top button of your pants snapped off with the speed of a hunting rifle, injuring a co-worker.©JOKEDEMO.COM

It takes you forty-five minutes to put them on, even with the aid of a small crane and a power winch.©JOKEDEMO.COM

When you ask for an honest opinion, your spouse tells you your pants look great.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Your name is Al Roker.