Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.©JOKEDEMO.COM

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".©JOKEDEMO.COM

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".©JOKEDEMO.COM

And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with bad hair.©JOKEDEMO.COM

You should not confuse your career with your life.©JOKEDEMO.COM

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.©JOKEDEMO.COM

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Never lick a steak knife.©JOKEDEMO.COM

Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.©JOKEDEMO.COM

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.©JOKEDEMO.COM

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.©JOKEDEMO.COM

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside... we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.©JOKEDEMO.COM

The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.©JOKEDEMO.COM

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.©JOKEDEMO.COM

This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.