Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.©JOKEDEMO.COM
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.©JOKEDEMO.COM
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.©JOKEDEMO.COM
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.©JOKEDEMO.COM
There is always one more idiot than you counted on.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.©JOKEDEMO.COM
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.©JOKEDEMO.COM
I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when
I'm in the bathroom.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.©JOKEDEMO.COM
I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Lord, if I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat.©JOKEDEMO.COM
My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Discover Wildlife! Have Kids!©JOKEDEMO.COM
"Genuine Antique Person," Been there, done that, can't remember!©JOKEDEMO.COM
Our policy is to always blame the computer.©JOKEDEMO.COM
Take my advice, I'm not using it!©JOKEDEMO.COM
I love to give homemade gifts... umm, which one of the kids would you like?©JOKEDEMO.COM
By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence!©JOKEDEMO.COM
I quit jogging for health reasons. My thighs rubbed together so much it caught my underwear on fire!
